Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I can be my worst enemy

I am going through some changes in my life, and I am so determined to do "good", that I am trying too hard.
I feel insecure.
This seems to be a part of my personality that I really need to control.
I am not sure at 50 years old, I can change.
I acknowledge that I can try so hard that I fall on my face, or it kicks me in my ass.
I can try so hard, that on my path to trying, I drive people away from me.
I try so hard, that those who had confidence in me, pull back and re-analyze their confidence. (or so I think)
Why can't I just do what I need to do, nothing more, nothing less, and do it quietly and under the radar?
Why do I confuse myself with the thoughts that are flowing through my mind so fast?
Why do I have to analyze every action and/or reaction?
It really is what it is.
Sounds simple.
I wish I could still my mind with that thought.
I know I am rambling, but I am spinning,
and it
sucks.

4 comments:

Steven Anthony said...

I have been the same way my entire life...I dont have any words of wisdom other than hold on, slow down and breath....listen to that small still voice in your head telling you to relax and allow yourself to trust yourself....

love ya and thinking of ya;)

Lori said...

I so understand. I am so right there with you. I hope that you find your answers...but in the meantime I hope you know you don't have to be perfect and that you can be good to yourself. That's what I'm trying to do. Sending (((((HUGS)))))) Lori

adrienzgirl said...

Miss ya woman! When you figure out where you want to go we'll be here to support you!

Brian Miller said...

for me, when life gets like that it takes a long walk in the woods to bring some semblence of ease...