chocolatecovereddaydreams.blogspot.com is offering a beautiful wii fit plus for answering a question to a younger you.
My question is: Will I ever learn to love and accept myself?
I know that your life had been turned upside down at 40. You have been in a marriage for a very long time that you know you have not been happy in. You got married very young and never knew how to be on your own. This marriage took you to another country to live. You knew early on that your marriage was not what you had hoped it would be.
The sunny hot day he came in the door, from his almost daily golf game, and announced that he was going to see an attorney, for divorce, he surprised you. Do you remember all the emotions you felt? It was a flow of anger, agitation, fear, anxiety, worthlessness, sadness and hope. Yes you felt hope.
You know you wanted away from his mental and verbal abuse. It had been going on so long that you believed his mean words and actions. You realized that those who lashed out hardest were the ones with the least self-worth but his words cut you like a knife. Yes, it was your decision to believe his lies, but none the less those words of abuse were scars on your soul. You believed you were useless, ugly, stupid, fat, unwanted and this list could continue, but his words are not worth the breath they take to repeat.
He never let you work.
The one thing he did permit you to do, and do well, was be a full-time mother to your child. You know, being a mother, a full-time mother, to your child, is a gift from heaven. I always saw such love between you and your child. She has always been your light.
Him leaving though , was a gift to you. He gave you that gift. He did not know that he was giving the gift though, as he was always so absorbed in himself. He always believed everything was all about him. You would have never left him. You would have taken the verbal and mental abuse, and stayed. I wished you had it in you to leave, but, it was him to leave. What a blessing.
After he left, I was so proud of you, taking control of your life. For so long, you knew you should go to college and use your gifts. You never would take that step. I knew you had it in you.
I was so proud of you, and your determination to rise up.
You went to school, in fact you graduated with honors. Not bad for someone who believed she was stupid.
I watched you go for your first interview after you graduated college. You were so nervous, and I was nervous for you too, but again, I was so proud of you. You took that step, into the unknown, and you nailed the interview, and the second interview and YOU got that position.
I saw the love of your life drive down the street and find a place in your heart from the first time you met. I saw him love you, and how he helped you to understand how wonderful you are. I saw you bloom.
Your divorce was only a stepping stone in your journey. Remember the divorce was the easy part, the marriage was the hard part. I do not have to remind you of this now. It is so evident and clear that you are at peace and in love.
I knew you would make it here. I know that you know that now too.
Oh, by the way, Early Happy 50th Birthday. You've come a long way baby!
I love you.