Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Letter to my 40 year old self

An Idea from Stevens Blog, No Excuse, No Explanation~

"I got this idea from Stephen Chapman over at The State Of The Nation UK...he wrote a letter to his sixteen year old self, I thought it was such a cool thought, I just had to steal it, be sure to check him out, he writes a truly entertaining blog."

Dear Me:

I know that your life had been turned upside down at 40. You have been in a marriage for a very long time that you know you have not been happy in. You got married very young and never knew how to be on your own. This marriage took you to another country to live. You knew early on that your marriage was not what you had hoped it would be.

The sunny hot day he came in the door, from his almost daily golf game, and announced that he was going to see an attorney, for divorce, he surprised you. Do you remember all the emotions you felt? It was a flow of anger, agitation, fear, anxiety, worthlessness, sadness and hope. Yes you felt hope.

You know you wanted away from his mental and verbal abuse. It had been going on so long that you believed his mean words and actions. You realized that those who lashed out hardest were the ones with the least self-worth but his words cut you like a knife. Yes, it was your decision to believe his lies, but none the less those words of abuse were scars on your soul. You believed you were useless, ugly, stupid, fat, unwanted and this list could continue, but his words are not worth the breath they take to repeat.

He never let you work.

The one thing he did permit you to do, and do well, was be a full-time mother to your child. You know, being a mother, a full-time mother, to your child, is a gift from heaven. I always saw such love between you and your child. She has always been your light.

Him leaving though , was a gift to you. He gave you that gift. He did not know that he was giving the gift though, as he was always so absorbed in himself. He always believed everything was all about him. You would have never left him. You would have taken the verbal and mental abuse, and stayed. I wished you had it in you to leave, but, it was him to leave. What a blessing.

After he left, I was so proud of you, taking control of your life. For so long, you knew you should go to college and use your gifts. You never would take that step. I knew you had it in you.

I was so proud of you, and your determination to rise up.

You went to school, in fact you graduated with honors. Not bad for someone who believed she was stupid.

I watched you go for your first interview after you graduated college. You were so nervous, and I was nervous for you too, but again, I was so proud of you. You took that step, into the unknown, and you nailed the interview, and the second interview and YOU got that position.

I saw the love of your life drive down the street and find a place in your heart from the first time you met. I saw him love you, and how he helped you to understand how wonderful you are. I saw you bloom.

Your divorce was only a stepping stone in your journey. Remember the divorce was the easy part, the marriage was the hard part. I do not have to remind you of this now. It is so evident and clear that you are at peace and in love.

I knew you would make it here. I know that you know that now too.

Oh, by the way, Early Happy 50th Birthday. You've come a long way baby!

I love you.



Steven Anthony said...

I just love this....wow what a life you have had.....just think, how far you have come, amazing!

I think I will write letters to myself from time to time, cool ideal.

Hey about your button thingy, try asking supah how she did it, she made mine...she rocks;)

you rock too...this letter proves it!

ADayInTheLife said...

I cant even figure out how to do a posty note?

ADayInTheLife said...

I dont know how to talk to anyone on here besides the comment thing. I am telling you im lame on the blog stuff

Steven Anthony said...

I asked her on her comment thingy....Im not very good at this stuff either....the post it thingy, ok that I can help u with, go to supahs page for post it tuesday, she has the links on her page how to make the post its....Im sorry Im not more help;(

smiles4u said...

Oh Lisa...what a beautiful letter to yourself. This makes me cry because I too was married to someone that abused me and then found the love of my life. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. This has truly blessed me Lisa. I am so thankful that you came out of that to be the person that you are. I am thankful that you found the love you so deserve. I am thankful that you had the courage to write this letter. Bravo to you Lisa!!!! XXOO Lori